


Never Say Never

by BewareTheIdes15



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: First Time, Insomnia, M/M, Somnophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-04
Updated: 2011-08-04
Packaged: 2017-10-22 05:17:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/234256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BewareTheIdes15/pseuds/BewareTheIdes15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen's hit with a sudden bout of insomnia. Jared's got the cure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Say Never

The breakup with Danneel is messy; all over the internet, tabloids pick it up, it seems like everybody just knows. At least she does him the service of keeping things private, but all that does is make the gossip mongers speculate. Some say he's impossible to live with - not that she was really living with him, but why let that get in the way of a good story - others say that she just couldn't put up with his schedule. Then of course there is the all time gossip rag favorite - he's having a secret affair with co-star Jared Padalecki. Naturally some douche snaps a picture of him and Jared a couple of days after the breakup, just as they're getting home from the set and with the angle and the light and all, it totally looks like they're holding hands.

It's certainly not the first pseudo-gay picture that's been published about he and Jay, hell, it's not even the sexiest, but for some reason this one really burns Jensen up. Maybe it's just because he's mad at all of those trash reads already, or because he's keyed up and looking for a fight, but damnit, he should be allowed to have his best fucking friend around without everyone freaking out about it. Not that anyone who knows them actually is - after years of Jared’s boundary issues and all of the fan hordes trying to twist everything into a sign that they're dating, their friends and families are all used to the gay rumors - but still, it's the principal of the thing.

It's not until a week after the actual breakup that it hits him. He's alone.

He's been so preoccupied with the fallout from the damn thing he really hasn't spent much time thinking about how he actually feels about it. Now he can't stop, and the worst part is, he doesn't really feel very different. It's not like that much of his life has changed without Danni; a few less phone calls, sure, but he still goes to work, does his thing, comes home with Jared every night, goes to bed alone. He's spent way more nights by himself in this bed than he did in any bed with Danneel, and yet, he feels it now. Feels how empty and lonely and cold this bed seems, and he can't sleep.

Jensen pads to the kitchen as quietly as he can and rummages through the fridge. He's not really hungry, so he pops a beer instead and leans on the counter to drink it. His head's too loud, especially with all of the silence around him, so he turns on the living room TV - volume down to the very last notch so he's straining to hear - to sift blindly through early morning infomercials.

Sometimes he thinks some of Sam's psychic thing rubbed off on Jared because, as usual, his preternatural sense of Jensen's moods has him standing at the top of the stairs with a sleep creased face and hair sticking up at all angles, watching Jensen watch him as he ties the string on his loose pajama pants.

"Can't sleep?" Jay asks muzzily, though the answer's pretty obvious. Jensen grunts and listens to Jared's bare feet stick-release from the wooden stairs. Jay's cuddly at the best of times and fresh out of bed he's like the world's neediest teddy bear. He flops onto the couch next to Jensen, wrapping one arm around his waist and tucking his head into Jensen's neck.

Jared's skin is still sleep-warm, soft under Jensen's palm when he rests a hand on his friend's bare back, and it's strange how comforting that is. Jay doesn't ask what's wrong or try to talk it out - it probably wouldn't be very intelligible if he tried right now, anyway - he just breathes warm and heavy against Jensen's skin, deep soothing puffs of air like he's already back asleep.

Who knows how long they sit there like that, he thinks Jared passed out pretty quickly and sometime after that his own eyelids were lulled closed by the comforting, alive thrum of Jared's body. He jolts awake when Jared moves though, starts to pull away, and maybe his friend wasn't asleep after all. Jared's eyes are heavy and his hand almost hot when he cups Jensen's jaw and says, "If you need me..."

"I know where to find you," Jensen finishes. He watches with a sullen tang in the back of his throat as Jared shuffles back upstairs to his bed.

Jensen doesn't feel the least bit tired anymore.

***

Four days later, it has to end. Jensen hasn't gotten more than a couple of hours of sleep a night and everyone's noticing. The makeup girls are giving him fits about how it's their job to make it look like he went to hell, not for him to show up that way; he's flubbing lines and missing cues and his game's just off. They wrap early on Friday because he just can't keep it together - Kim says they want some last minute script changes, but Jensen knows better - with strong admonitions to get some fucking sleep on his day off. He wishes it was that easy.

During the week, he'd have drunk himself to sleep except he'd feel like a fucking alcoholic and he couldn't really afford a hangover with work, so he'd tried the TV thing again instead, plus a couple of beers, but no dice. He'd fared moderately better with a pillow shoved up against him, pathetically trying to trick his body into feeling less alone. That had earned him a couple of hours at least. Better still - and a secret he would take to the grave - was when he'd stolen one of Jared's pillows and hugged it in close; that was about the time he started to wonder if maybe the fucking tabloids were on to something.

All of which led him here, standing outside of Jared's bedroom door at three in the morning, freezing his ass off in his boxers and a t-shirt - fucking Canada - crippled with indecision. He pushes the door open just a crack, enough to see the mess of dark hair peeking out over the comforter along with one big hand.

The thing is, Jared wouldn't say a word about it if Jensen walked in there right now and laid down with him, would know that it was something Jensen needed and was miserably uncomfortable about and let it go. He wouldn't bitch or tease or any of the shit Jensen would probably pull if the situation was reversed, because sometimes Jared's just awesome.

But there are some pretty good reasons not to do this. For starters, he really doesn't need his stupid body getting addicted to sleeping with Jared - a one time thing is fine, but making this a regular arrangement is a whole other ballgame. Also, Jensen has occasionally been known to be a sleep cuddler and Jared will snuggle up to anything whether he's conscious or not, so there's that extra level of awkwardness. On top of that, Jared sleeps naked. Jensen knows this the same way he knows a couple dozen other things no guy should ever know about his best friend - it's that whole boundary issues deal. So yeah, naked sleep cuddling... that's just a whole separate stratosphere of awkward.

Really no good can come of this, it was a terrible idea. Jensen's going to turn around and creep back down the stairs and pretend this never fucking happened. And tomorrow he'll go buy sleeping pills.

"Jen?" Jared's voice is thick with sleep and he looks pretty dazed as he sits up and cocks his head at Jensen. This is the moment to run and pretend like it was all a weird dream when Jared asks about it in the morning. Damn uncooperative legs.

Jared yawns, jaw cracking on the peak of it before he mumbles, "In or out, man."

And Jensen can't resist; should resist, but can't. Jared's bed is too inviting, his voice too full of the promise of sleep and Jensen's so dog tired that if he could just get his stupid brain to shut up he might not wake up for days. So before he even realizes he's made the decision, Jensen's slipping under Jared ridiculous thread count sheets and settling in.

Oh, and that whole, awkward, naked snuggling thing? Apparently not a problem for Jared.

"Why the hell am I the little spoon?" Jensen grumbles, trying to get his body to feel appropriately rigid and unwelcoming to the naked dude pressed up against his back, but instead his muscles just relax into Jared's grip.

"'Cause you're littler 'n me," Jared whispers smugly. The chuff of air as he breathes steadily against the back of Jensen's neck ruffles his hair and the soft, almost ticklish feel of it turns all of Jensen's nerve endings up to eleven at the same time that the soothing rhythm of it coaxes his eyes closed.

He's way more aware than he probably should be of the way Jared's groin is snugged up against his ass, only the thin fabric of his boxers separating them. The same way he's too aware of how much of his chest Jared's splayed hand covers and how the pad of Jay's ring finger is resting perfectly over the pebbled nub of his nipple. Pebbled because the walk up here was fucking cold and not for any other possible reason.

By rights, he should spend the night angsting over the maybe kind of gayness of the way his dick is laying chubby and not nearly as soft as it should be between his thighs, but somehow the radiating warmth of Jared's body and the softness of his bed and the relaxing, sleep-laden scent that he knows from too many early mornings jammed into a van with Jared just forces his body to surrender in a way it hasn't for days.

He sleeps sounder than he has since he was a little kid.

***

No one has ever accused Jensen of being a morning person; that's Jared's department and he's welcome to it. Except apparently Jay's not all there when he first wakes up either - that's the only possible explanation for Jensen slowly coming back to reality the next morning with the hot, wet softness of Jared mouthing at his neck.

It takes Jensen a couple of minutes to clue into what's going on, because at first he's still trapped in that space where thought is distant and fuzzy and all he's getting instead is his body's signals of how really good that feels. Jay's suckling at the pulse point just under Jensen's jaw - evidently at some point in the night he rolled over onto his back and now half of his body is covered in a Padalecki blanket - tongue lapping lazily at the flutter of his heartbeat. There are these small, deep noises coming up from Jared's throat, vibrating into Jensen's skin as his friend licks and suck at him. Absently, his brain catalogues the sounds as satisfaction, the full-grown version of those noises babies make in their sleep, content and comfortable and completely safe.

Ok, maybe it's more than a couple of minutes. It just feels so good and he hasn't really slept in days and somewhere between sleep and awake he gets caught up in 'yes, more please' so by the time the gears in his brain click into place that the mouth doing all of those sweet, wonderful things to him is Jared's, he can feel the throb of the bruise that's already worked to the surface.

The hickey. The hickey that Jared just sucked onto his neck. His roommate/co-star/best friend in the world, Jared. Oh this is so bad.

Jared still seems to be unaware of these startling revelations, since he hasn't stopped the sucking-kissing-licking thing he's got going on and those little happy noises are still coming out, none of which would be happening if Jay realized what he was doing, Jensen's sure. So then, it's up to Jen to do something about it before things get even more unmanageably uncomfortable.

Lacking anything resembling an idea of how to handle the 'hey, buddy, could you stop making out with my neck in your sleep' conversation, Jensen decides to fall back on what he knows; acting.

He opens his mouth on an exaggeratedly loud yawn that causes his chin to bump Jared's head, and then makes a big production out of stretching, as if he doesn't have over 200 pounds of giant man-child sprawled all over him. That seems to wake Jared up fully, because he stops what he was doing with his mouth, but that's about the only concession he makes. His head is still nestled against Jensen's neck, his slick lips still touching the hot, tender spot that's bound to be dark red by now, his leg still firmly between Jensen's - which he hadn't actually noticed before, but now that his entire attention isn't focused on that single patch of skin on his throat, it's pretty unavoidable that Jared's muscular thigh is pressing firmly against the straining line of his dick.

And oh holy fuck, has he ever been this hard before? Maybe that's why his brain isn't functioning, not enough blood flow.

Jensen shifts in what he hopes is a totally subtle and natural way, because now that he's aware of the continuous, bone-deep ache between his legs, he can't not move a little, just to take some of the pressure off. Unfortunately, that little wiggle also makes it clear that Jay's having a very similar problem and it's riding the hard jut of Jensen's hip.

"Jared," he says in a soft, 'I am absolutely not panicking', voice. They just need to acknowledge that it's just morning wood mixed with a kind of a weird sleeping arrangement and then they can laugh it off and pretend it never happened. That's all.

"It doesn't have to be a big deal, Jen," Jared murmurs. He says it very levelly, not like he's freaking out and definitely not like he just woke up from a stupor to discover he was sucking on his best friend’s neck a couple of seconds ago.

"What?" Jensen’s whisper comes out a lot more desperate than he meant it to; he's just not sure what he's desperate for.

"If you want to, that's ok. And if you don't" there's a tiny hitch in Jared's voice that Jensen probably would have missed if he didn't spend most of every day with that baritone rumbling in his ears. "Then that's ok too. It won't change anything either way."

Jensen barks an incredulous laugh, because there's no way in hell that this doesn't change everything, one way or another. No matter what they do now, the offer’s been put out there and they can never make that go away. But Jared's leaving it up to him, letting him make the choice, and somehow that's not right either.

"Do _you_ want to?" he asks the soft morning light on the ceiling.

Jared's 'mmm' is almost like a laugh, but much too quiet coming from his boisterous co-star. "I think there's a pretty obvious answer to that soaking through your shorts," he replies wryly, one big hand coming up to swipe at the tangle of his baby-fine hair sticking to Jensen's neck. He can feel the spot Jared's talking about, ever so slightly warmer than the already searing hot line of flesh digging into his hip; a wet mark that will be there like a brand whether they stop here and now or not.

"Yes," Jared breaths against him, the tension in his body radiating down into Jensen's. "Yes, I've always wanted this."

Jensen’s not exactly sure when he moves or when he even decided to, but somehow he does and in a whir of motion, he's on top, Jared laid out flat on the mattress underneath him. He's wide eyed, face still a little puffy from sleep, and his hair's spread out around him like a wavy, chestnut mane. He looks really good, actually.

"Always?" Jensen chokes out. He has to ask, even though his cock is pretty firmly on the 'shut the fuck up, idiot' train, because all of the rules of this little world he’s made for himself just changed and he hasn’t got a clue what he’s supposed to do with that.

"Well," Jared quirks his lips sheepishly, eyes never quite settling on Jensen's for more than a moment, "Not always. Started thinking about it sometime in the middle of shooting the pilot."

"You should have said something."

Jared swallows heavily and nods, face fallen like a scolded child. "I didn't want it to be weird between us. You were already my friend and I knew you wouldn’t be into it, I just didn't want to screw it all up. But then with Danni, and all this,” he makes a vague hand motion that Jensen supposes is meant to cover the half-naked tangle they’d woken up in, “and it’s not an excuse, I know that. I just… I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Jen."

He's finally looking Jensen in the eye, his emotions written there plain as always. Fear's right at the top, concern laying just underneath it, worry that Jensen's going to run out of the room and never speak to him again or something. There's no hope there, and that hurts more than all of the rest of it put together, because Jared's one giant font of ‘everything will work out, no worries’ and Jensen’s never ever seen him hopeless; it's like swallowing thumbtacks to realize that he's the reason for it.

He should say something really eloquent and heartfelt, something that will make Jared understand that he'd never run away like that, that Jay means so much to him and that a little crush could never change what they have. But there aren't any words because nothing really makes sense in Jensen's brain right now. He's never wanted a guy, not even in the slightest, and there have sure as hell been opportunities, but the idea of having Jared - having everything they have together, plus this whole other level that he's never been able to make work with anyone else, not even Danneel, no matter how hard he's tried - he wants that more than he wants to keep breathing and he’s can’t figure out how he overlooked it all this time.

None of that comes out, none of it even formulates into words he could convey assuming he still had the power of speech, so instead he presses his body down into Jay's, covering every inch of skink he can, and captures his lips in a bruising kiss that he hopes says everything he can't.

For a second Jared's frozen under him, lips and body unyielding, then all at once he melts into it, opens and arches and moans. It makes the low simmering heat in Jensen's body flare and he licks roughly into Jared's mouth, tangling their tongues together. Jared sucks on the slick muscle like that's all he's good for, teasing at it with lips and tongue and teeth and Jensen would literally kill to feel what that unbridled enthusiasm would feel like on his swollen cock. The flare in him burrows into his bones at the realization that he can, and he will, maybe a lot, because there's no chance in hell this is a one time thing.

Jared gasps his name like the filthiest curse word he knows and laps at Jensen's lips as his hands spread across Jensen's back to pull him impossibly closer. Somewhere in the middle of all the talking, Jared's dick went soft, but it's rallying again fast, slip-grinding with Jensen's which might as well be made of granite for how heavy and hard it is.

"Off," Jared whines, pawing helplessly at the waistband of Jensen's boxers, "Need to feel you. Need to see you. God, Jen, please."

Jensen thinks he hears stitches pop as he pulls and kicks at the offending fabric until it's off and then there's nothing between them but flame-hot skin.

Jared whimpers as soon as their bodies are flush again, bites at his own fist with his eyes squeezed tight. "Fuck, I'm gonna, Jen. I can't- oh God."

Jensen fights down the flicker of disappointment that it’s going to end so fast because it's kind of the most incredible thing ever to think that Jared wants him so bad that just a few touches could set him off. Besides, it's their day off, and Jensen can't think of anything he'd rather do than find all of the ways he can make Jared go off like a bottle rocket.

He grinds against Jay hard, circling his hips and kissing his way down the other man's jaw, their stubble rasping together, tantalizingly masculine in a way he'd never imagined would make his balls throb. "Come for me," he urges heatedly, breathing the words into Jared's ear and relishing the shudder that rocks the man under him. "Come on, cream yourself for me, Jay."

Jared gasps and makes a sound that makes the dogs go nuts downstairs and then it's all raw, breathless huffs of Jensen's name as Jared tries to claw his way into Jensen's skin and fills with space between them with thick, hot fluid.

That's the single sexiest thing Jensen's ever seen, bar none, and he lifts himself up onto his knees to enjoy it. Jared looks lost, eyes rolling and flush-splotched chest heaving; his marble-statue abs are covered in the sticky, white sheen of his own come, his dick twitching feebly with the aftershocks. Jensen can’t resist slicking his thumb up the length of it, following the vein along the underside to flick up over the slit quickly. Jared makes that sound again and Sadie howls out in the hall, obviously worried about her master. Jensen would have never guessed Jared's voice could go that high.

His own heavy cock is slippery with Jared's come and he groans at the gritty punch of knife-edged pleasure as he takes it in his own fist, stroking roughly up the length.

"Come on me," Jared pleads, all fucked-out rasp, "Please, Jensen, come all over me, wanna feel it."

"Demanding little bitch, aint'cha," he jokes, but he's barely got enough breath to get the words out, his lungs seized up at the fuck-all hotness of Jared's words.

Jensen tightens his fist, stroke-twist-flicking as he stares down at Jay's body, the greedy hazel eyes roving over him. It takes embarrassingly few strokes to get him there, the super-heated lead ball of pressure at the base of his spine exploding in the heart-stopping rush of bliss.

Milky ropes of his come splatter Jared's skin, marking his chest and belly as Jared arches his back and moans like it's the best damn thing he ever felt. Jensen works every last drop free, gathering the last dribbling spurt of it with his fingers and paints it down the column of Jared's throat.

He collapses on the bed next to Jay, panting with the full, worn-out feeling of really good sex. Jared turns his head lazily, eyes hooded, and he grins like the cat that got the cream. Jensen finds that he can't help but want to kiss that wide, smug mouth, so he does, worrying Jared's bottom lips with his teeth. He smells like spunk and sweat, and an odd little tinge that Jensen can only identify as the scent of himself all mixed up with the Jared's natural musk. He has a feeling that smell is going to be highly addictive.

"You should have totally said something sooner, dude," he smiles and knows it looks dopey and sated, just like he feels.

"You should have quit sleeping alone sooner," Jared shoots back, softly bumping Jensen's nose with his own.

"Hell yeah." He sighs happily and brushes a stray hair off of Jared's face. "Will not make that mistake again."

Jared leans up on an elbow to look down at Jensen, running on hand down his mostly clean chest. "See that you don't," the warning is dark, not even close to matching the elation on Jared's face.

There's a quick glimmer of mischief there, but before Jensen has a chance to react, Jared's flopped on top of him, the sticky mess of half-dry come smearing between their chests.

"Dude!" Jensen barks, trying to squirm away from Jared's python grip as the younger man laughs maniacally, making sure Jensen's completely covered before he releases him.

Jensen smacks him on the shoulder with the back of his hand, but doesn't get a chance for anything more redemptive before Jared's up off the bed, tugging on a pair of sweatpants.

"Gotta take the dogs out," he says, throwing a t-shirt on, heedless of the mess on his chest, "Want coffee?"

It sounds just like any other morning, and if Jensen wasn't laying naked in his best friend's bed, covered in the evidence of sex and knowing the same evidence is right under the frail costume of normalcy Jared's wearing, he'd swear it really was just any other day.

"Yeah, that'd be great," Jensen agrees, sliding out from under the covers too. It's a little weird to be standing there naked in front of Jay, but he tries not to fidget, because if Jared can be all casual about this, so can he. Besides, not like Jared hasn’t already seen it at this point. "Gonna grab a shower, ok?"

He hadn't so much meant it as a question but Jared's hand catches him at the bathroom door, shaking his head. "What fun would it be to shower without me?" Jared says, mock-incredulous.

The shocked laugh rolls out of Jensen easily, as he looks at Jay’s happy, but perfectly serious face. "Practically none."

"Exactly," Jared nods, turning Jensen around toward the bed and giving him a quick slap on the ass. "Now get back in bed, I'll be back for you soon." He lowers his voice ominously and wiggles his eyebrows.

"Demanding bitch," Jensen grumbles as he climbs back onto the wrecked sheets, plenty loud for Jared to hear.

"You love it," travels back to him from the hallway along with the sound of the dogs bouncing excitedly around Jared as they all clatter down the stairs.

Yeah, Jensen thinks, maybe he kinda does.


End file.
